Daily Inspiration?

Well hello to all and everyone. Life can be (perhaps almost always is) rather unpredictable isn't it? Although many a time it doesn't seem so.

A few days ago, I lent a $1.25 to a girl who passed my friend and I in the hall. I didn't know who she was, but I recognized her as I've seen her in the school before (I think maybe she has the same break as myself?)

Anyhow, she was walking down the hall when she approached us asking for $1.20 for the bus. I happened to have $1.25, which I gave her. I must admit, I wasn't exactly sure that I wanted to lend even that miniscule amount to a random stranger of a peer that I happened to recognize. I'm wasn't sure that I would've approached random people at school like that, but I decided to go with it.

A few seconds after she (the girl) had taken the money and walked a few metres away from where I was sitting with my friend, she came back and told me that I had given her a "special coin" (it turned out to be some sort of "limited edition" of the loonie). She handed it back to me asking if I was sure I wanted to give it to her, upon looking at the coin, I recalled that in fact I had intended to keep it as it was a different type of loonie, so I searched my purse to see if I had another -- but I did not. I looked to my friend, but she could not come up with the sum, so I thought about it a few seconds before deciding aloud, "Well, my life won't change," and handed the girl the "special coin" once more, telling her she needn't pay me back (as I really didn't expect to encounter her again, even though we go to the same school). She walked off to catch her bus, and that was the end of that.

Except it wasn't. Two days later (i.e. today), I encountered the girl once more, as I walked down the hall to go sit with one of my friends during my break. She spotted me and immediately exclaimed with a lovely smile, "Hey! You helped me when I needed money!" I don't recall saying much, but smiling along with her. She wished me, "Have a great day!" and walked on by. That left me with the most uplifted feeling, it was really quite astonishing to see how much that girl's appreciation affected me. It quite literally made my day.

Later during the period, when I was seated during my break, that same girl happened to pass me in the hall, and seeing that I saw her she waved with a smile once again! How interestingly pleasant the world can be made by the coming together and joining of such small acts! It really is a wonderous symphony.

So as it turns out, I was completely wrong. Wrong in the statement that "my life [wouldn't] change" upon handing that girl that loonie. For it certainly did. It brightened my day (albeit, two days later) grandly, and seemingly leads me to believe that good comes of good. And there is some daily inspiration. I hope you can find some daily inspiration of your own too.

And let's hope I write again soon.

The Experiment

It is 2020! A whole New Year! A time indeed.

Anyways, I have tales to tell. It's kind of an interesting one, you could call it a nonsensical one. I've missed that word. It's going to have to make a come back.

But alright. The experiment.

So, as you may (or may not) be able to tell -- probably not, actually but…alright, now I'm probably just confusing you.

Let me begin again. // I'm not sure how evident it is, but I'd say that my spirit is about 400 years old. And the response to that by most would probably be, "you exaggerate". Which is true, I suppose, but all the same, my masked self is very, very old. Outdated almost. Although I'm not sure that that's the most accurate way to put it.

Through all my life, the only modern, media I've ever had are -- e-mails, a smartphone (so like texting??) and then, this weblog. And then over the last summer, I decided to make an Instagram account. An interesting thing I chose to do. I suppose I was curious about this other world I had never dared to venture into. Of course, I had had my prejudices and presuppositions about it for several years (ever since my peers began to enter that realm), but I finally decided to throw all those to the wind and try it for myself, for I was genuinely interested and curious. I wanted to know, see and do just as everyone else. What was this world people constantly told me to join?

I wanted to experience it. Maybe my old presuppositions were wrong after all, I thought.

And so I did. I entered the realm of pictures, captions, an endless supply of memes…a literal place of infinitude. And for a while, it really did captivate me -- it really was interesting to see all there was to see…and there is so much to see, I followed things, and allowed a small "following". I posted things. I explored the explore page. --

But I am old. Really old. Much too old. And much too much of a thinker. So after a little while, I found myself wanting to go back to my old ways. For my old ways weren't the most ill-founded. Maybe even well-founded, I'd say. I pondered over it quite a reckless amount.

I realized, the old, 'not exactly in tune with the times, but not exactly out of it' person that I was/am was exactly what I wanted to be. So after the aforementioned reckless pondering in my mind, I decided, that I had wanted to experience, and I had. I had wanted to learn what this realm was, and I had

I wouldn't say my presuppositions concerning the whole ordeal were exactly right. All the same, I wouldn't exactly say they were wrong. Maybe they were accurate, but not exactly precise? (I'm getting flashbacks from my Physics course now -- good times).

I didn't expect the endless supply of "entertainment" that was available on that thing. That certainly surprised me. I did expect the random photos of people and their little doses of randomness to add to our lives. I was right about the randomness. I was wrong about the sentiment towards it, for it was kind of nice. But I was right in my supposition that it did make me feel like somewhat of a scatterbrain. Too much information. Too many things. I was partially wrong about it being entirely meaningless, for there was some kind of pleasant sentiment to someone appreciating your post or you appreciating theirs. I was partially right though because it didn't have enough meaning for me. Being the 400-year-old self that I am, it didn't have enough in it for me to want to continue.

And so, after all, I decided I really didn't want the whole ordeal. Somehow I actually knew myself well enough and I am back to my original self. Well not exactly, I guess, because I've learned some new things. How can one ever remain forever one's selfsame self anyways?

So goes the story of my experiment. I suppose I'm just not prepared to escape that "outdated" part of myself. Or maybe I take life entirely too seriously.

Someone will probably read what you write

I really am keeping my word of writing, aren't I?

This happens to be the third time I'm writing (typing) here this week! What an astonishing event. I certainly didn't expect it.

Anyhow, it is evening time in the Eastern Canadian lands, and I have inevitably managed to be (by my very own self, of course) pulled into a deep melancholy tide of thoughts. As I was pondering over the various details of existence, particularly my own, I came upon the idea that I should write all these thoughts down.

A little fun fact about me: I like to talk to myself. Well, really it's not a matter or like or dislike. The fact of the matter is that I happen to talk to myself.

So, as I began spinning in my own array of thoughts I spoke to myself as I got up to get my 'Journal through' notebook and said, "Write this down, it could be useful for your kids."

And of course, me being what I am, I began to think of the meaning of that sentence I had quite semi-consciously spoken to myself.

(See, if anyone here has taken an English course before, you may recall having to analyze the meaning of seemingly meaningless things -- like perhaps, "What is the significance of the green doorknob? Why is it green?", but you see, the English teachers/professors are not crazy. Even I try and find meaning in what is seemingly meaningless….of course we are making the very bold assumption that I am sane, and not crazy here, but no matter.)

So back to the story. I began to think of what I had just told myself, through no will of my own. "Write this down, it could be useful for your kids." -- I mean, it was the most interesting thing. This idea proceeded to fascinate me and take hold of nearly all my conscious thought. The idea that my writing is not for me, but for someone else. Using the context of that sentence, people I haven't met yet. People who may never come into existence. People I could, quite possibly, never know. But the idea that I should write this down because it might be useful for somebody.

Now, of course, this is no new ordeal, people write things for others all the time, I know. But those are the usual writings, consisting of the likes of newspaper articles, self-help books, non-fiction books, storybooks, blogs like these…but people don't typically write in their journal of sorts "because it could be useful for their kids". The exact reason for which I cannot exactly deduce, although I do have some reasonable ideas.

  1. People do not typically assume that their personal journal shall be read by anyone. (At least not while they are still alive).

  2. People are not thinking about their hypothetical kids. What exactly they are thinking of seems to be a complex place to abode, which we should leave to another day.

  3. People do not realize that their thoughts are worth thinking and can be useful to others, who need help thinking thoughts. Or articulating some thoughts --- maybe some people need new thoughts? More thoughts? Deeper thoughts? -- (Also something I may or may not have begun pondering about, we will have to discuss 'thoughts' in a future post, but for now -- )

The 3 points, above-mentioned are all reasons that lead me to believe that typically, deciding to write about something in your journal "because it could be useful for your kids" is something rather odd, or at the very least, unusual. But, this case of unusualness interests me. And I'm writing this, in hopes that I can interest you with the idea that you should write not only to get your thoughts/worries/fears/melancholy mind sorted out, but also with the knowledge that someone will probably read what you write.

Someone will probably read what you write. Just imagine that! Someone will probably read what you write. They will read from it. Your thoughts will merge with their thoughts. In a small sense, your thoughts will be theirs for a little while, and wouldn't it be so intriguing to see what could come of that?

Although, it is unclear whether or not you will be able to witness somebody reading what you write, or that you will ever even know of someone reading what you write, it really is quite likely that someone will read what you write. And they may love it. Or they may hate it. Or they may not care, because they don't understand it. Or don't feel a great deal in relation to it. Regardless, they will have read it. And your thoughts will exist evermore.

And that, Dear Readers, is yet another reason to write. Because writing is evidence of your thought. And your thoughts are worth thinking. Because your ideas could definitely use some processing, and rethinking. Your thoughts probably do need to be re-thought. (Try not to overthink while doing so though ;)

Remember, someone, will probably read what you write, and be mesmerized at the beauty of your mind.

How many people are you?

Hello to all and everyone! Merry Christmas!!So I said I would try and write more during this time, and so I keep my word.

An interesting story, (well, in all honesty, it's not the most interesting, but it interests me, so maybe it'll interest you too). Anyhow, whenever I study, I like to have music in the background, because it helps keep my focus, and I decided to go onto Youtube to listen to this new (although it's actually old) Bruce Springsteen song, "Blood Brothers" that I discovered. An advertisement came up, and I guess my laptop's been stalking me, the advertisement was about -- well can you guess?

Writing! It featured a writer telling his story of how he became a writer, how he wrote every day for "15 years" before he wrote his first book. He spoke about how he writes and rewrites his works all the time, how he reads them aloud to audiences and takes notes as he does that. I found what he had to say really very interesting. Although I don't want to become a professional writer, I did take everything he said about becoming a writer to heart. A confusing sentiment to explain, but I guess most sentiments are. Anyways, I think that's the first time I didn't click on the 'skip' button on an advertisement. I actually paid attention to it.

What's more to say? -- I'll have to think on that one.

Or not. I think I have more to say. When I watched the aforementioned advertisement, the man in it encouraged the keeping of a diary, because your life "feels like a story sometimes". I would agree. But I think to really capture the times, you need more than a diary. To have everything stored in a diary is possible, but I once read a quote that mentioned that writers are many people trying to be just one person. Personally, I feel like that holds true. For those reasons, I have many notebooks, because each one captures a slightly different side of me. Every place that holds my written works holds something different. And one day, when someone reads them all -- well I don't really know what'll become. But I expect that it'll be an interesting discovery to see how so many people can come together to be just one.

An odd break

So two months ago (or three almost?) I "explained" not having written a while --- and then I didn't write again for a period longer than the period I attempted to "explain" my absence for. Think on that a minute.

Anyhow, there's no use explaining this time, so I won't. But it is currently Christmas Break, so I have time to while away -- well actually (please prepare for a spill of uneccessary information) --

It is currently Christmas Break for people who still venture off to school (such as myself). Unfortunately, the break is only from the physical act of going to school and does not imply a break from actual school-work, so I was working on an "Internal Assessment" I have and had been writing up an introduction for about an hour, when I decided, "Why not take a break and write on that weblog thing I haven't written on for months?"…and me being myself, I decided to uselessly think over that sentence.

"I was writing my internal assessment for an hour….and my idea of a break from writing is more writing?? What?"

^^ I suppose that's just what happens to the writers of the world. A break from writing, simply consists of writing something else. What do you think of that?

(Also, the background music for today is Bruce Springsteen again.)

Explaining

Well, well, well. We've certainly got some explaining to do. -- But before that:

It is currently 31 degrees here in Toronto. It is 31 degrees Celsius. It is October 1st and it is 31 degrees Celsius. Have we addressed the fact that it is 31 degrees Celsius on the first day of October?? Oh my gosh. A time indeed.

And speaking of time, it has been a time indeed since I last posted on this weblog. (Weblog? What an old-school word, where did that come from?). Anyhow it has been a long time (about a month, I think) since I last took away some of your precious time for the purposes of reading a random WEBLOG. -- I hope you enjoyed the break, and are well rested from it, because I am back. And who knows what's to come of me in the foreseeable future? Odd metaphors, obscure thoughts, random attempts at poetic sounding prose….there's really no way to predict this type of thing…so I suppose you'll simply have to continue whiling away some time every week to find out!

I think that will suffice for an explanation concerning my uncalled for abscence (although, really, there was no explanation at all). Some explanations aren't worth explaining.

What's more to say? I really don't know. --- I think I shall end this rambling here for today, but see you again soon!

Post Script - I did not use the word "nonsensical" once here^^!! ((Oh no. I just realized I did.)) Alright

Number 15

Hello to all! It's been exactly a week and I was thinking about writing something less nonsensical for once, but then I came upon one of my (many) writings and it just cannot be withheld -- because as I often say, there's a message. And as I also often say, that message will not be disclosed. Your goal (should be) to attempt at understanding it. And if you don't comprehend all that my nonsensical self (oh that word really is overused on this site isn't it?) -- if you don't comprehend, worry not. It is alright. Take some time to live a little more life, and when you come back you might see. And if you do not, worry not still, because if you have the slightest whirlwind in you, I assure you, someday you will.

I wrote this a few months ago, so I'm going to put it all into quotations. I promise the next time -- things will be less (here comes that damn nuisance of a word again -- nonsensical).

"You know writing is everything to you when you can’t stop doing it no matter what. I can’t stop writing for the life of me. Why is this? I wish I knew. I’m currently blanking a little… I don’t really know why. Maybe I’m nervous? Alright. It’s established. I am after all, a little bit nervous. But a dose of nervousness is required. It shows that I care. And caring is certainly something we need more of. What’s more to say? -- Well. Recently I’ve been pondering a little more than usual and I’m beginning to think/realize/WONDER at how much I feel changed. Changed since September that is. I think I’ve become somewhat more fragile -- and yet somewhat more strong. I certainly feel very different than how I felt a year ago. Have things changed so?"

RED

PS -- I know the title makes no sense (to you).

A Writers Condition

I want people to read my writing, but I'm afraid if they do they'll see what's inside.

But nevertheless, I must keep writing. I have a condition, remember? -- Can't-stop-writing-syndrome.

At the moment, I am feeling odd. Oddly like a motivational book or speaker. I keep conjuring up pseudo-motivational gathers of words…but unfortunately, my fear of being seen will undoubtedly leave me to deprive you of any small amount of wisdom my "pseudo-motivations" perceive. I save them for the "Smile Book".**The lines I came up with (in my head) are far too direct. --- I have just reasoned out something -

The reason so much of my writing is so confusing, or nonsensical rather, MAY BE for the very aforementioned fact! I am afraid of being seen, so I hide the very possibility of it in a confusing form of prose that could be mistaken for poetry. But whether it is truly a mistake, I am not yet sure.

And I've managed to do it yet again.

(** The "Smile Book" mentioned in the post titled: "Notebook Ideas")

Garfunkel's First Name

How do you explain the inexplicable? -- It's obvious, you don't.

I mean can you even really? I think that's what music, poetry, prose, writing, art -- I think that's what it's all for. An attempt to explain the inexplicable. That is what the true artists are for. I suppose some may deem it a lost cause, for why attempt to explain the inexplicable --- maybe for the very reason that it can't be explained…its beauty. The beauty it creates.

For is not each attempt to explain that inexplicable madness and complicated simplicity of the world beautiful? Is not that at least partway why artists "art?", singers sing, musicians play, composers compose, writers WRITE. It's all just a little contribution to that madness. If it really comes from within at least. It is beautiful. So I encourage you, live a little more vibrantly and create some kind of wonderful ---

It evokes something. A reaction. An emotion. Perhaps if the artist is lucky, a realization. A phenomenon like no other.


RED

172 Words of Nonsensicalness

Gasp!! It's been over two weeks since a nonsensical post last appeared on here! What a scandalous affair!

Worry not. Your time spent (cough cough, wasted, cough cough) trying to make sense of this madness does lead to some avail. And there is plenty more to come. --- In fact I thought I'd give you a little dose today:

As a (somewhat) regular human being-- I go through a range of states. And what do I do with these ever-changing seasons of the mind? I write. -- If that wasn't obvious, then one of us is on another level here. And one of us isn't me.So since I love it so much, I'm going to write. You may think everything truly is nonsense and just an excess of flowery writing. Or maybe something you read will make sense, and if ever you need, it may help you gain something.

Now, if you please, take a look, take a listen, take a read. Let's have a "philosophical discussion". :)

Somehow I am convinced that existence consists of floors that go beyond what one can grasp. Not always. Not even frequently. But it does happen.It leads one through a tumult of circumstance. Seemingly a place one cannot see through, for an immense fog clouds the way. And mind you -- although I make this place sound unfavourable, I assure it is not always so. It can come in many a form, but unfortunately, some may say, the most common form is filled with pain; A place with an immense sense of bottomless descent.But luckily - the world is good and the universe, a friend, so one can become at long last, oneself again. -- And this is not to say that one does not get bruised, for scars that won't fade are certainly gained --- but mistake me not, they heal in the most exquisite way.

As all things are ever-evolving, eventually, we will surely find ourselves enjoying life as we wave away the clouds we look upon while basking in our momentary sunshine.

172 words of nonsensicalness. The rest is just there. Take what you will.